We Will Begin Boarding Shortly



Welcome to your flight - 1970s

I do a lot of thinking when I'm on a plane. Especially since there's not much else to do while you're cruising at about 40,000 feet up in the air like I was last week with no food, blankets, pillows, music or movies.

So here's a few of my observations.

Why, for instance, when you take off & reach cruising altitude, does the captain turn off the "fasten seat belts sign", but then they tell you that you have to keep your seat belts fastened during the duration of the flight in case they hit unexpected turbulence? Wouldn't it just be easier not to turn the sign off?

Wow mom, that looks good

And why do they still have a "no smoking" light? From someone who remembers smoking on planes (& no flack from the peanut gallery please) I sit there and always expecting that damn light to go off & everyone start lighting up.

Listen up you idiots

And what about showing you how to fasten the seat belt? Is this for people that have never sat in a car before? This actually bothered me so much that I looked it up & found out that they originally did this because when commercial flight first started (& I'm not that old to remember that), cars didn't even have seat belts, so they had to explain how to put that complicated little sucker on. I guess this demonstration just got lost in red tape for the past 50 years and  will always be a part of air travel.



Coffee or tea sweetie?

 And what about the stewardesses - uh, sorry, I mean flight attendants. I remember going on planes when I was growing up & they couldn't do enough for you. They smiled and always looked like they were perfectly groomed and wore neat little outfits. They handed out drinks & food & blankets & pillows... they even used to give you a little pin for your lapel with the name of the airline. (ok - maybe I don't need the pin anymore, but all the same it was a pleasantry that is long forgotten). Now they just grumble about anything you ask them for and look like they just rolled out of bed. Maybe they're just the same ones I remember, except now they're 40 years older.





Can I get your number?


And no conversation about air travel would be complete without a thank you to the terrorists for making the entire civilized world live in fear of being taken down by them. Why, if it weren't for them, we wouldn't have the pleasure of disrobing at security and getting scanned like a carton of milk at the local D'Agostino self check out.  And if you're lucky, (like I was last week)you'll  get randomly chosen to get a pat down. Nothing better than everyone looking at you like you're a threat to the entire aircraft when you get that special treatment.
 

"The captain has turned off the
no smoking sign"



So for all of you that are too young to remember the way it used to be, trust me, it was a lot better, even with the smoke.